Children’s behavior can change throughout the school year. A child who was quiet in September may become more talkative. A child who followed directions easily may begin pushing back. A child who seemed happy to come to school may start avoiding certain activities. When behavior changes, it can be easy to focus on what we see: What are they doing? How do we make it stop?
However, behavior is often telling us something. A change in behavior may communicate that a child is tired, overwhelmed, confused, frustrated, worried, seeking connection, or having difficulty with something in their environment. Looking beyond the behavior can help providers understand what a child may need and choose supports that address the need rather than simply trying to stop the behavior.
Why Does Behavior Change?
Behavior Can Communicate a Need
Young children do not always have the words to explain what they are experiencing. Even older children may have difficulty identifying or communicating why something feels hard. Behavior can become a way of communicating.
A child who leaves the classroom may be saying, “This is too overwhelming.”
A child who refuses to start an assignment may be saying, “I don't know how to do this.”
A child who becomes disruptive during a group activity may be saying, “I need movement,” “This is too long,” or “I don't know how to participate.”
This does not mean every behavior has one clear meaning. Instead, behavior gives adults information that can help us ask better questions
.
A Child May Behave Differently Once They Feel More Comfortable
Children sometimes hold it together when they are entering a new environment. Once they become more familiar with the adults, routines, and expectations, they may begin showing needs that were less visible at first. This can be especially important to remember early in the school year. A change in behavior does not necessarily mean a child is suddenly “getting worse.” It may mean that adults are seeing a different part of the child's experience.
Behavior Is Affected by the Environment
Behavior does not happen in isolation. Think about what is happening around the child:
Sometimes changing the environment can make a bigger difference than trying to change the child.
Before Responding, Ask: “What Changed?”
When a child begins behaving differently, start by gathering information.
Look for the When, Where, and What
Instead of thinking only about what the child did, look at:
When: When does the behavior happen?
Where: Where does it happen?
What: What happens immediately before and after?
For example, imagine a student who begins yelling during independent work. Rather than simply documenting, “Student yelled during work,” consider:
This pattern gives adults much more information. The behavior may be connected to task difficulty, frustration, or the way the task was presented.
Look for Patterns, Not Just One Moment
One challenging moment does not always tell us much. Look across days and settings.
Does the behavior happen every morning? Only after lunch? During one subject? With certain peers? During transitions? When there is a substitute teacher?
Patterns can help teams identify possible triggers and choose more targeted supports.
Support Regulation Before Expecting Compliance
When a child is overwhelmed, simply repeating a direction may not help. Children need to be regulated enough to access learning, problem-solving, communication, and self-control.
Connect Before You Correct
If a child is upset, begin by helping them feel safe and supported. You might say:
Once the child is more regulated, you can return to the expectation. This does not mean removing all expectations. It means recognizing that children may need support accessing those expectations.
Consider What the Child Needs in That Moment
A child may need:
The right support will depend on the child and situation.
Preventing Behavior Is Often Easier Than Reacting to It
Once a pattern is identified, providers can look for ways to prevent the behavior or make the situation easier to manage.
Make Expectations Clear
Children are more likely to know what to do when expectations are specific. Instead of:
“Be good during centers.”
Try: “During centers, you can choose one activity. When the timer rings, clean up and come to the rug.”
Concrete directions reduce the amount of guessing children have to do.
Use Visual Supports
Visual schedules, first/then statements, checklists, timers, and pictures can make expectations easier to understand. For example:
First: Finish two problems
Then: Choose a five-minute activity
Visual supports can be especially helpful during transitions or activities that a child finds difficult.
Build in Movement and Breaks
Children are not designed to sit still and focus for unlimited periods of time. Movement can support attention and regulation. A break might be as simple as:
The goal is to provide movement proactively rather than waiting until a child is already overwhelmed.
Offer Choices When Possible
Choices can give children an appropriate sense of control. Instead of: “Do your work.”
Try: “Would you like to start with the first two problems or the last two?”
Both options meet the expectation, but the child has some control over how to begin.
What About Consequences?
Consequences can sometimes be useful, but they should not be the only response to challenging behavior. If a child repeatedly loses recess for refusing work, but the work continues to feel overwhelming, the consequence may not address the underlying problem.
Ask: “What are we teaching through this response?”
A supportive response might include both an expectation and a plan for support. For example:
“I know this assignment feels hard. We still need to complete it, and I'm going to help you get started. Let's do the first problem together.”
This keeps the expectation while recognizing the child's need.
Partner With Families
Families can provide information that may not be visible at school. A caregiver may notice that a child is sleeping poorly, struggling with a change at home, becoming anxious about a particular situation, or reacting differently after school. When communicating with families, begin with observations rather than conclusions.
Instead of: “Your child is being defiant.”
Try: “We have noticed that your child has been having a harder time beginning independent work over the past two weeks. We are wondering if you have noticed anything similar at home.”
This creates an opportunity for collaboration rather than blame. Families should feel like partners in understanding the child, not as though they are being called because their child is “in trouble.”
Neurodiversity Considerations
Neurodivergent children may communicate needs through behavior, particularly when expectations, sensory demands, communication demands, or transitions become overwhelming.
Providers should be careful not to assume that a behavior needs to be eliminated simply because it looks different from what is expected. For example, movement, repetitive behaviors, reduced eye contact, quiet withdrawal, or alternative forms of communication may serve important regulatory or communicative purposes.
Instead of asking only, “How do we stop this behavior?” consider: “Is this behavior helping the child meet a need? If so, how can we support that need in a safer or more effective way?”
Supports should not be designed to make neurodivergent children appear more typical or to encourage masking. The goal is to create an environment where children can communicate, regulate, participate, and learn while being their authentic selves.
What Research Says
Research increasingly supports looking at children's behavior within the context of their relationships, environments, and developmental needs rather than viewing behavior as separate from those factors.
The science of learning and development emphasizes that children's development is shaped by the interaction between relationships, emotional experiences, learning environments, and individual characteristics. Supportive relationships and environments can help children feel safe and ready to learn. Research on teacher autonomy support also suggests that supportive classroom practices are associated with student engagement. Giving children appropriate choices, listening to their perspectives, and supporting independence can help create conditions that promote engagement.
Family-school relationships matter as well. Family engagement is most effective when families are treated as important partners who bring valuable knowledge about their children. Together, this research supports a broader view of behavior. Instead of asking only how adults can make a behavior stop, teams can consider what the child may be communicating and how relationships, routines, instruction, and the environment can be adjusted to better support the child.
Summary
When a child's behavior changes, the behavior itself is only one piece of the puzzle. Before jumping to consequences, take a step back. Look at what is happening before the behavior, what happens afterward, and whether there are patterns across people, places, activities, or times of day. A behavior may be connected to frustration, fatigue, sensory needs, communication, relationships, academic difficulty, transitions, or a need for connection.
The goal is not to excuse challenging behavior or remove every expectation. The goal is to understand what is happening so that adults can respond in ways that teach skills, support regulation, and help children feel successful.
Five Key Takeaways
Frequently Asked Questions
Does looking for the reason behind behavior mean we should ignore inappropriate behavior?
No. Understanding behavior does not mean removing expectations or allowing unsafe behavior. It means using the information we have to choose a response that teaches skills and addresses the underlying need.
What if we cannot figure out why a behavior is happening?
You may not always know right away. Continue observing patterns, talk with the child when appropriate, communicate with families, and collaborate with other school staff. Understanding behavior is often a process.
Should every challenging behavior have a consequence?
Not necessarily. Consequences may be appropriate in some situations, but they should be considered alongside the child's developmental level, the context, the function of the behavior, and what skill the child needs to learn.
What if the behavior only happens at school?
That is important information. Differences between settings can help teams understand what environmental factors may be contributing. Consider what is different about the classroom, expectations, routines, peers, or activities.
How can I talk to families without making them feel blamed?
Begin with observations and curiosity. Explain what you have noticed, ask what families are seeing at home, and work together to identify possible supports. Families are valuable sources of information about their children.
References
Darling-Hammond, L., Flook, L., Cook-Harvey, C., Barron, B., & Osher, D. (2020). Implications for educational practice of the science of learning and development. Applied Developmental Science, 24(2), 97–140. https://doi.org/10.1080/10888691.2018.1537791
Mapp, K. L., & Bergman, E. (2021). Embracing a new normal: Toward a more liberatory approach to family engagement. Carnegie Corporation of New York.
New York State Education Department. (2024). Multi-tiered system of supports (MTSS). https://www.nysed.gov/
Yang, D., Chen, P., Wang, H., Wang, K., & Huang, R. (2022). Teachers' autonomy support and student engagement: A systematic literature review of longitudinal studies. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 925955. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.925955