The after-school window is one of the most important times of the day for children. They’ve just spent hours navigating academics, social dynamics, and the emotional ups and downs of school life. How parents reconnect with their children during this time can set the tone for the rest of the evening. A simple “How was your day?” often leads to a quick “fine” or “good,” which doesn’t tell us much about what our kids are actually experiencing. What children need most is not a checklist of what they did, but a sense of connection: reassurance that someone is genuinely interested in their inner world.
Research highlights the profound impact of these conversations. The quality of back-and-forth dialogue between adults and children has measurable effects on brain development. As one Harvard report puts it, “Don’t just talk to your child; talk with your child. The interaction, more than the number of words a child hears, creates measurable changes in the brain.” (Harvard Graduate School of Education, 2018). Similarly, studies on parent–child conversations have shown that open-ended, elaborative questions not only strengthen language and critical thinking but also help children retain information learned in school and develop emotional awareness (Reese et al., 2010; Cleveland & Reese, 2005). In short, how we ask (and listen) matters deeply.
That’s where intentional communication comes in. The way we talk with children after school is about more than gathering details - it’s about connection. Kids need to know that someone is interested in their world, that their feelings matter, and that home or the adults in their life are safe spaces to process everything they’ve been carrying around all day.
Here are 30 different conversation starters to ask in place of “how was your day?”
Other studies confirm the value of how we talk with children. Reese et al. (2010) found that when parents use elaborative questions about children’s experiences, “children show greater emotional understanding and narrative skill.” Cleveland and Reese (2005) also note that “the style of parent-child conversation predicts children’s ability to recall and make meaning of daily experiences.” In short, the way parents or adults ask questions after school can shape not only what children share, but also how they process and understand their own lives.
Asking specific, thoughtful questions shows a child that someone is genuinely interested in their world, not just their grades or behavior, but the friendships, feelings, and little moments that shape their day. When you ask questions like “What made you laugh?” or “What was the hardest part of your day?” you’re creating an open invitation for them to share parts of themselves they might otherwise keep inside. This not only strengthens trust but also teaches children that their voice matters. Over time, these conversations help children feel more secure, valued, and understood, which deepens the parent-child bond.
At the end of the day, what kids want most is to feel connected to the people they love. By swapping out the routine “How was your day?” with more engaging and meaningful questions, parents are sending the message that they care about the details and that you’re ready to listen. These small changes in communication build lasting habits of openness and trust. And while not every question will lead to a long conversation, each one is a gentle reminder to a child in need of connection: I see you, I hear you, and what you have to say matters to me.