Talking With Kids After School: Beyond “How Was Your Day?

The after-school window is one of the most important times of the day for children. They’ve just spent hours navigating academics, social dynamics, and the emotional ups and downs of school life. How parents reconnect with their children during this time can set the tone for the rest of the evening. A simple “How was your day?” often leads to a quick “fine” or “good,” which doesn’t tell us much about what our kids are actually experiencing. What children need most is not a checklist of what they did, but a sense of connection: reassurance that someone is genuinely interested in their inner world.

Research highlights the profound impact of these conversations. The quality of back-and-forth dialogue between adults and children has measurable effects on brain development. As one Harvard report puts it, “Don’t just talk to your child; talk with your child. The interaction, more than the number of words a child hears, creates measurable changes in the brain.” (Harvard Graduate School of Education, 2018). Similarly, studies on parent–child conversations have shown that open-ended, elaborative questions not only strengthen language and critical thinking but also help children retain information learned in school and develop emotional awareness (Reese et al., 2010; Cleveland & Reese, 2005). In short, how we ask (and listen) matters deeply.

That’s where intentional communication comes in. The way we talk with children after school is about more than gathering details - it’s about connection. Kids need to know that someone is interested in their world, that their feelings matter, and that home or the adults in their life are safe spaces to process everything they’ve been carrying around all day.

Here are 30 different conversation starters to ask in place of “how was your day?”

1. What are three things that made you happy today?
   
   
2. Who did you sit with at lunch?
   
   
3. What was something that made you laugh today?
   
   
4. Did anything surprise you today?
   
   
5. What’s one thing you learned that you didn’t know yesterday?
   
   
6. What was the best part of recess?
   
   
7. Was there a time today when you felt proud of yourself?
   
   
8. Did you help someone today, or did someone help you?
   
   
9. What was the hardest thing you had to do today?
   
   
10. What’s one kind thing you noticed someone else doing?
    
    
11. Did anything make you feel frustrated or upset today?
    
    
12. If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?
    
    
13. Who made you smile today?
    
    
14. Was there a time today when you felt really listened to?
    
    
15. What subject or activity felt the most fun?
    
    
16. What’s something funny your teacher or a classmate said?
    
    
17. What did you do during a break or free time?
    
    
18. Was there a time you felt nervous or unsure today?
    
    
19. Did you try something new today?
    
    
20. If you could describe your day with one emoji, what would it be?
    
    
21. Who did you feel closest to today?
    
    
22. What’s one question you asked in class (or wanted to ask)?
    
    
23. Did you see anyone being left out? How did that make you feel?
    
    
24. What’s one thing you’re looking forward to tomorrow?
    
    
25. If your day were a story, what would the title be?
    
    
26. What’s one problem you solved today?
    
    
27. Was there a moment when you felt really confident?
    
    
28. What song, game, or joke was stuck in your head today?
    
    
29. If you could give your day a color, what would it be and why?
    
    
30. What’s one thing you want to tell me that no one else knows about your day?

Other studies confirm the value of how we talk with children. Reese et al. (2010) found that when parents use elaborative questions about children’s experiences, “children show greater emotional understanding and narrative skill.” Cleveland and Reese (2005) also note that “the style of parent-child conversation predicts children’s ability to recall and make meaning of daily experiences.” In short, the way parents or adults ask questions after school can shape not only what children share, but also how they process and understand their own lives.

Asking specific, thoughtful questions shows a child that someone is genuinely interested in their world, not just their grades or behavior, but the friendships, feelings, and little moments that shape their day. When you ask questions like “What made you laugh?” or “What was the hardest part of your day?” you’re creating an open invitation for them to share parts of themselves they might otherwise keep inside. This not only strengthens trust but also teaches children that their voice matters. Over time, these conversations help children feel more secure, valued, and understood, which deepens the parent-child bond.

At the end of the day, what kids want most is to feel connected to the people they love. By swapping out the routine “How was your day?” with more engaging and meaningful questions, parents are sending the message that they care about the details and that you’re ready to listen. These small changes in communication build lasting habits of openness and trust. And while not every question will lead to a long conversation, each one is a gentle reminder to a child in need of connection: I see you, I hear you, and what you have to say matters to me.

References

• Harvard Graduate School of Education. (2018). The brain-changing power of conversation. Retrieved from gse.harvard.edu
  
  
• Reese, E., et al. (2010). Elaborative reminiscing and children’s emotional development. Child Development, 81(4), 1061–1072.
• Cleveland, E., & Reese, E. (2005). Children’s recall following their mother’s versus their father’s reminiscing style. Journal of Cognitive Development, 6(4), 489–512.