When School Starts to Feel Harder: Helping Children Navigate the Early School Year

The first few weeks of school can feel exciting and new. Children are learning their classroom routines, getting to know their teachers, and settling into a new schedule. But as the school year gets underway, you may notice something change.

Your child may begin saying, “I don’t want to go to school,” coming home exhausted, struggling with homework, becoming more emotional, or seeming less confident than they did in September. This does not always mean something is wrong. For many children, the early school year is when the excitement of a new year starts to wear off and the demands of school become more familiar, and sometimes more challenging. The good news is that there are many ways caregivers can help children understand these changes and feel supported.

Why Might School Start to Feel Harder?

The “New School Year” Feeling Wears Off

At the beginning of the year, almost everything is new. New supplies, new routines, new classmates, and new goals can give children a boost of excitement. After several weeks, school may simply feel like school again. The novelty wears off, and children may begin to show how they are really feeling about the demands of their day.

This can be especially noticeable in children who worked very hard to adjust to new routines at the beginning of the year.

Expectations May Increase

As teachers get to know their students, classroom expectations often become more established. Children may be expected to work more independently, complete longer assignments, manage more materials, or stay focused for longer periods.

A child who seemed to be doing well in September may struggle when these expectations increase.

Children May Be Tired

School takes a lot of energy. Children are learning, listening, moving between activities, managing relationships, following routines, and solving problems throughout the day. By October, some children may simply be tired.

You might notice more tears, irritability, arguing, or difficulty getting through homework. Some children may seem completely fine at school but have a big emotional reaction once they get home. This can happen because home feels like a safe place to release emotions after holding things together all day.

Something May Be Getting in the Way

Sometimes a change in behavior is a clue that a child is having difficulty with something specific. Maybe reading has become harder. Maybe math is frustrating. Maybe a friendship has changed. Maybe the classroom feels noisy or overwhelming. Maybe your child is worried about making mistakes.

Instead of only asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” it can help to ask, “What might be making this harder right now?”

What Can Caregivers Do?

Start With Curiosity, Not Pressure

If your child says, “School is too hard,” you do not need to immediately solve the problem. Try starting with curiosity. You might say:

• “What part of school feels hardest right now?”
• “Is there a time of day that feels harder?”
• “Is the work harder, or does school feel harder in another way?”
• “What would make tomorrow a little easier?”

Sometimes children cannot explain exactly what is bothering them. That is okay. You can continue to listen and look for patterns.

Look for Patterns

Pay attention to when challenges happen. Does your child struggle most:

• Before school?
• During homework?
• On certain days?
• After a particular class?
• Around lunch or recess?
• During transitions?
• At bedtime?
• After spending time with certain peers?

Patterns can give you important information. For example, a child who regularly becomes upset on nights before a particular school day may be communicating that something about that day feels difficult. A child who becomes frustrated only during homework may need academic support or a different way to approach assignments.

Break Big Tasks Into Smaller Steps

When a child feels overwhelmed, “Just finish your homework” can sound like a very big request.

Instead, break the task into smaller pieces. Try:

“Let’s look at what you have to do. Which part should we start with?”

A child may be able to handle five minutes of work more easily than thinking about an entire assignment. Small steps can help children experience success and build confidence.

Build in Time to Reset After School

Not every child is ready to talk about school or begin homework the moment they walk through the door. Consider creating a predictable after-school routine that includes time to eat, move, rest, play, or connect with family. For some children, 20–30 minutes of downtime can make the transition from school to home much easier.

Focus on Effort and Problem-Solving

When children struggle, it can be tempting to say, “You know this!” or “You just need to try harder.” Instead, focus on the process. Try:

• “You kept working even when that was frustrating.”
• “What helped you get through that?”
• “Let’s figure out which part is confusing.”
• “You don't have to solve the whole thing at once.

This helps children see challenges as something they can work through with support rather than as proof that they are not capable.

Make Room for Things That Feel Good

Children need time that is not about school performance. Play, hobbies, sports, reading for fun, spending time outside, cuddling with a pet, or simply relaxing can all be important parts of a healthy routine. A child does not need to be productive every minute of the day. Connection and rest matter, too.

What If Your Child Says, “I Can’t Do It”?

When a child repeatedly says, “I can't,” it can be easy to assume they are avoiding work.

Sometimes, however, “I can't” really means:

• “I don't know how.”
• “This feels too big.”
• “I am afraid I'll make a mistake.”
• “I am tired.”
• “I need help.”
• “I don't know where to start.”

Instead of arguing with the statement, try responding to the need underneath it. You might say:

“Okay. Let's figure out what part feels impossible right now.”

Then help your child identify one small next step. The goal is not to do the work for your child. It is to help them experience that difficult things can become more manageable with support.

When Should You Reach Out to the School?

You do not have to wait until a problem becomes severe before contacting your child's teacher or school team. Consider reaching out if you notice ongoing changes such as:

• Frequent complaints about school
• Increasing school refusal or difficulty getting to school
• A major change in mood or behavior
• Frequent physical complaints, such as headaches or stomachaches
• Significant changes in sleep or eating
• Homework becoming consistently overwhelming
• A noticeable drop in confidence
• Ongoing friendship or peer concerns
• Difficulty completing work that previously felt manageable

You can start with your child's teacher. Share what you are noticing at home and ask what they are seeing at school. A simple conversation can help everyone understand the bigger picture.

Schools may also have additional support available if concerns continue. Depending on a child's needs, this might include classroom interventions, school counseling, social-emotional support, academic intervention, or other school-based services. You do not need to know exactly what support your child needs before reaching out. Sharing what you are noticing is a good place to start.

Neurodiversity Considerations

Children do not all experience school in the same way. Neurodivergent children may experience changes in expectations, sensory demands, social situations, transitions, or executive functioning in ways that are not always obvious to adults. A child who appears to be “fine” at school may be using a great deal of energy to manage the demands of the day. This can sometimes lead to exhaustion or bigger emotions at home. Rather than expecting a child to hide or mask their needs, adults can look for ways to make the environment more supportive.

This might include:

• Visual schedules or reminders
• Movement breaks
• Reduced sensory demands
• Clear, concrete directions
• Extra processing time
• Breaking assignments into smaller steps
• Access to a quiet or lower-stimulation space
• Flexible ways to participate
• Opportunities for communication without pressure
• Support with transitions

The goal is not to make neurodivergent children act like their peers. The goal is to help them participate, learn, communicate, and feel successful while being themselves.

What Research Says

Research suggests that school adjustment is influenced by many factors, including academic demands, relationships, motivation, emotional well-being, and the support children receive from adults.

Relationships also matter. Research has found that support from teachers, parents, and peers can contribute to changes in children's motivation for reading. Positive relationships can therefore be an important part of helping children stay engaged when school becomes more challenging. Research on teacher autonomy support has also found connections between supportive teaching practices and student engagement. When children feel that adults listen to them, provide meaningful choices, and support their sense of independence, they may be more engaged in learning.

These findings remind us that helping children through school challenges is about more than encouraging them to work harder. Children benefit from relationships, appropriate support, opportunities for independence, and environments that help them feel capable and connected.

Summary

It is common for school to feel different once the first few weeks have passed. Children may become tired, expectations may increase, and challenges that were not obvious at first may become easier to see. When this happens, caregivers can start with curiosity. Look for patterns, listen to what your child is communicating, break big tasks into smaller steps, protect time for rest and connection, and reach out to the school when concerns continue. Most importantly, remind your child that struggling with something does not mean they are failing. Everyone needs support sometimes, and asking for help is part of learning.

Five Key Takeaways

1. School can feel harder after the initial excitement wears off. This does not automatically mean something is wrong.
2. Look for the reason behind the struggle. Academic demands, friendships, fatigue, sensory needs, and emotional concerns can all play a role.
3. Small steps can make big challenges feel more manageable. Help children identify one thing they can do next.
4. Connection matters. Children need time for rest, play, relationships, and activities that are not focused on school performance.
5. You do not have to wait for a crisis to ask for help. Caregivers can reach out to teachers and school staff when concerns begin to emerge.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for my child to struggle more now than they did in September?

Yes. The beginning of the year can feel exciting and new. As routines become established and expectations increase, children may begin showing areas where they need additional support.

My child is fine at school but has huge meltdowns at home. Should I be concerned?

Not necessarily, but it is worth paying attention to the pattern. Some children use a great deal of energy managing the school day and then release their emotions once they feel safe at home. Sharing this pattern with the school can help adults understand what your child may be experiencing.

Should I make my child finish homework even when they are overwhelmed?

Homework expectations vary by age and school. If homework is consistently causing significant distress, talk with your child's teacher. Together, you can determine whether the amount, difficulty, timing, or type of support needs to be adjusted.

What if my child cannot tell me what is wrong?

That is okay. Children do not always have the words to explain their experiences. Look for patterns in behavior, ask simple questions, and share what you notice with the school.

When should I contact the school?

You can reach out whenever you have a concern. You do not need to wait until your child is failing, refusing school, or experiencing a major problem. Early communication can help adults work together before a concern becomes bigger.

Extra Resources:

• Child Mind Institute: School Anxiety and School Refusal Resources — Practical information for caregivers supporting children who experience anxiety around school.
• Understood.org: School and Learning Resources — Family-friendly information about learning, executive functioning, attention, and school challenges.
• National Center for School Mental Health — Resources related to children's mental health and school-based supports.

References

Ha, M. (2022). Relationship between perceived achievement pressure, academic stress, and school adjustment in elementary school children: The moderated mediating effect of failure tolerance. Korean Journal of Elementary Education, 33(3), 85–99. https://doi.org/10.20972/kjee.33.3.202209

New York State Education Department. (2024). Multi-tiered system of supports (MTSS). https://www.nysed.gov/

Pelletier, D., Gilbert, W., Guay, F., & Falardeau, É. (2022). Teachers, parents and peers support in reading predicting changes in reading motivation among fourth to sixth graders: A systematic literature review. Reading Psychology, 43(5–6), 317–356. https://doi.org/10.1080/02702711.2022.2106332

Yang, D., Chen, P., Wang, H., Wang, K., & Huang, R. (2022). Teachers' autonomy support and student engagement: A systematic literature review of longitudinal studies. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 925955. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.925955