Helping Children Manage their Emotions

Supporting children in managing their emotions is one of the most important roles caregivers can play. Emotions can be big and sometimes overwhelming, especially for young children who are still learning to understand and express how they feel. As caregivers, it's crucial to help children identify, name, and manage their emotions in a healthy way. By being there for them, offering a safe space, and teaching helpful techniques, we can set them up with emotional skills they’ll carry throughout their lives.

1. Talking About Feelings

It’s important to encourage children to talk about what they’re feeling. Having open conversations about emotions helps normalize them. Let your child know that all feelings are okay—whether they’re feeling joyful, sad, or angry.

How You Can Help:

• Create a safe space where they feel comfortable talking about any feelings. Let them know that they can come to you, no matter what emotion they’re experiencing, and that you’re there to listen.
• Explain that you’re not afraid of their feelings. Tell them, "I can handle all your feelings, whether you're really happy or really mad. I’m here to help you."
• Share your own stories of when you’ve felt that way. For example, "I remember feeling scared before my first day of school, too. I talked to someone I trusted, and it helped me feel better."
• Make emotions part of the day. Instead of asking “How was your day?” ask things like “What’s something that made you laugh today?”, “What was something that surprised you?”, “Did anything today make you sad or mad or scared?”

2. Identifying and Naming Feelings

The first step in helping children manage emotions is teaching them how to recognize and name what they're feeling. Just like learning the names of colors or animals, children need to learn the words for emotions like happy, sad, angry, and scared. Once they can identify their feelings, they can start to understand what causes them and how to handle them.

How You Can Help:

• Ask them how they feel and give them some options if they’re unsure. For example, "Are you feeling sad, mad, or frustrated?"
• Remember that sometimes kids don’t know what they are feeling. Try describing the situation. For example, “You were having fun playing and are frustrated that it’s time to leave.” or “Your body has so much energy you are jumping up and down because you’re excited about going to the store.”
• Use a feelings chart or a picture book that shows different emotions. Try asking “What do you think this character is feeling?” when you’re reading a book or watching a cartoon together.
• Play feelings charades! Practice making a face that reflects different emotions and see if other family members can guess what emotion you’re showing.
• Share your own feelings throughout the day to model emotional awareness. For example, "I’m feeling excited because we’re going to the park!"

It takes kids practice over several years to connect the way their body feels, and their emotions so don’t push it if they don’t know how they are feeling. You can acknowledge their feelings in a situation even if you describe it. Just keep talking about and practicing feelings and they’ll get there!

3. Feeling Emotions in the Body

Children often experience emotions as physical sensations. They might feel a tightness in their chest when they’re anxious or their heart racing when they’re angry. Helping them connect emotions to physical sensations can make it easier to identify what they're feeling.

How You Can Help:

• Encourage your child to pay attention to how their body feels when they’re upset. Ask, "How does your body feel right now?"
• Normalize these sensations by explaining that it’s common for our bodies to help us know about our feelings. Let them know that everyone experiences emotions in their body, and our bodies can actually help us be detectives about what we’re feeling if we aren’t sure. Our bodies can also help us move through our feelings, like using deep breathing to calm down.
• Share how your body feels to give them ideas for how to describe their own experience. Let them know we may all have different ways our bodies experience emotions:
  • “Sometimes my tummy feels tight or does a flip flop when I’m worried.”
  • “When my face feels hot and tingly, I know that I’m feeling angry.”
• In helping them identify the sensations they feel in their bodies when experiencing different emotions, it might be helpful to read a story with them like My Body Sends a Signal by Natalia Maguire or do an activity where they can color on a body outline where they feel a certain emotion (e.g., anger) in their body.

As a caregiver, one of the most important things you can do is show that you’re a safe and supportive partner in helping them handle their emotions. Make sure your child knows you’re not afraid of their big emotions and that you’ll be there with them, no matter what. This can help children feel less overwhelmed and more secure when they experience strong feelings.

Take a moment to check in with yourself. Caring parents naturally want to “fix” kids’ negative emotions. If a child accidentally rips their favorite book by accident or is sad when Grandma leaves, you may hug them and say things like “Shh, stop crying. You’re ok.” Or if a child gets frustrated and throws a toy, parents may respond by yelling “Hey! Don’t throw your toys! You could hurt someone or break something!” Even though these reactions may come from good intentions, they don’t teach kids what they really need to learn. Kids will experience negative emotions throughout their lives, so it’s important to help them learn how to feel those emotions, handle them in safe ways, and move through them. These skills will help build strong mental health that can last a lifetime.

Think about how babies learn to talk. There are thousands of practice tries-babbling, cooing, making sounds with their mouth, using one syllable words, using two-word phrases, etc. They watch adults and older kids practice this all day long. Kids need the same amount of practice with how to understand and manage their emotions. They need to see their trusted adults managing emotions, they need help figuring out next steps. In the examples above, consider instead reactions like “You’re upset you ripped your book”, “I’m sad Grandma’s leaving, I wonder if that’s what you’re feeling too”, or “That toy wasn’t working the way you wanted and it made you angry.”

How You Can Help:

• Reassure your child that their emotions are safe with you. You might say, "I’m not scared of your feelings, even when they’re big. I can help you through it."
• Show calmness when they’re upset, so they know you’re not overwhelmed by their emotions. This will help them feel that they’re not alone.
• Let them know that you are their partner in managing emotions: "We can figure this out together."

It’s essential to teach children that all emotions are normal and that everyone has them. Whether they’re feeling mad, sad, scared, or excited, emotions are part of being human. Helping children understand that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling can reduce the pressure they may feel to "be happy" all the time.

How You Can Help:

• Remind your child that emotions come and go, and it’s okay to feel any emotion. Say things like, "It’s normal to feel sad sometimes," or "Everyone gets mad; it’s okay."
• Share stories of times when you’ve felt strong emotions and what you did to move through them. This can help them see that their feelings are part of a shared experience.

6. What to Do: Techniques for Managing Emotions

Once children understand and feel safe with their emotions, the next step is teaching them ways to manage those emotions in healthy ways. Practice these during calm moments so they are natural and easy to remember during difficult ones.

Breathing Techniques

Deep breathing is a simple, effective way to calm down when feeling overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or worried. It helps slow heart rate and brings their focus back to the present.

How to Do It:

• Teach your child to take deep breaths in through their nose and out through their mouth.
  • You might call it "balloon breathing," where they imagine their belly filling up like a balloon as they breathe in and slowly deflate as they breathe out. Say things like, “I’m pretending there’s a balloon I’m trying to fill up.”
  • Candle breathing: Hold up your open hand and pretend your fingers are candles. “Can you blow out all the candles?” As they blow put your fingers down slowly one at a time.
  • Try counting on your fingers. Slowly breathe in for 5, out for 5. Repeat!
• Do it together! Most young children need support from their trusted adults to use these activities both for practice and in the emotional moment. Invite your child to participate with you, but don’t react if they don’t. They’re learning just from watching you.

Teaching children to talk to themselves in a kind and supportive way can help them manage their emotions more positively.

How to Do It:

• Help your child come up with a few positive phrases they can say to themselves when they’re feeling sad or mad. For example, "I can handle this," or "It’s okay to feel upset, I’ll be okay."
• Practice saying these phrases together so your child knows they have tools to calm themselves down.

Physical Movement

Sometimes, emotions feel too big to sit still. Physical movement can be a great way for children to release energy and reset their emotions.

How to Do It:

• Encourage your child to jump, run, or stretch when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Moving their body can help them release tension and feel more in control of their emotions.
• You can also engage in calming activities like yoga or stretching to help them relax.

Distraction

Especially with very young kids, sometimes processing and working through emotions is too big every time. It’s ok to sometimes distract the child from their feelings so they can rebalance themselves. As adults, if we have a difficult interaction at work, or are frustrated by traffic, we walk away, do something else, turn on music we like. We don’t always have the mental energy to work through emotions and need to distract ourselves first to calm down. Kids are the same.

How to Do It:

• Change your scenery. Go outside. Go for a walk, pick up items for college, look for animals in the clouds.
• Offer to read a book, color for a few minutes, dance to their favorite song.
• Ask your child to help you with something unrelated to what is distressing them.

Grounding Practices and Mindfulness

Grounding practices and mindfulness can be very helpful for adults and children when they’re feeling overwhelmed by their emotions. These techniques bring focus back to the present moment and help us feel more in control. Grounding activities help connect to the senses—what you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell—so you don’t feel swept away by big feelings.

How to Do It:

• Five Senses Practice: This is a simple grounding technique where you/your child names:
  • 5 things they can see,
  • 4 things they can touch,
  • 3 things they can hear,
  • 2 things they can smell,
  • and 1 thing they can taste.

• Thinking About a Peaceful Place: This is a guided imagery practice to help your child feel calmer and more relaxed by imagining their peaceful place with all their senses. Have your child identify and think about their special peaceful place in their mind, real or imaginary, then “traveling there” in their mind with all five of their senses. You can prompt them by asking:
  • What do you see? Are you inside or outside? Are you alone or with someone? What objects surround you? What colors do you see?
  • What do you feel? A soft blanket? The wind on your skin? The warmth of the sun?
  • What do you hear? The sound of birds chirping? Music? Someone’s voice?
  • What do you smell? The smell of flowers? Certain foods you love? Someone’s perfume?
  • Do you taste anything in your peaceful place? Is it sweet or salty? Warm or cold?
• You can also have them draw or paint their special peaceful place and hang it up. This can be a helpful reminder for when they might need to “travel to” their special peaceful place in their minds. Talk with them about what situations or emotions might be helpful to think about their peaceful place. It would also be great to do this activity along with them and share your special peaceful places with each other!
• Mindful Breathing: Encourage your child to sit quietly and take deep breaths while paying attention to how their body feels. You can guide them by saying, “Feel your feet on the ground, notice how your breath moves in and out of your body. Feel your hands resting on your lap.” Mindful breathing helps slow down racing thoughts and allows the child to feel calm and grounded.
• Body Scan: Guide your child through a body scan by asking them to focus on different parts of their body, starting from their toes and moving up to their head. This practice helps them notice tension in their body and teaches them to relax. For example, you can say, “Let’s start with your feet. How do they feel? Now let’s pay attention to your legs. Can you relax them a little? Now your tummy, and so on.”

• 3-minute Body Scan Meditation for Kids
• 7-minute Ladybug Body Scan Meditation for Kids
• 15-minute Body Scan Intro and Meditation for Kids

Conclusion

Helping children manage their emotions starts with creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel comfortable talking about their feelings. By teaching them how to identify, understand, and express their emotions in healthy ways, you can help them develop lifelong emotional skills. Whether it’s deep breathing, talking about feelings, or moving their bodies, there are many tools to help children navigate their emotions. Remember, as a caregiver, you play a critical role in being their safe partner and guide through their emotional journey.