Back-to-School Anxieties

Starting school or daycare can be a big change for young children, and it’s natural for them to feel anxious even after the first day. This article will explain some common worries your child might experience and provide helpful tips to support them through this transition. Additionally, it offers suggestions for children’s books, songs, and videos that can help you start meaningful conversations with your child about their feelings These resources can be found at bookstores, libraries or online, or you can explore other options that work best for you and your child.

Take Care of Yourself Too

If your child is feeling anxious, you might find yourself experiencing a mix of emotions, such as worry, stress, or uncertainty about how to help. These feelings are completely normal! Let yourself feel your emotions and consider talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support if you need it and take care of yourself as well. Remember you’re not alone in this.

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is when children feel scared or upset about being away from their parents/caregivers or familiar places. Your child may be fine one day and then feel anxious the next.

Helpful Tips:

• Remember It’s Normal – It's common for kids to feel separation anxiety, especially when young children experience a lot of change at once. Over time, most kids will adjust.
  
  
• Talk About Feelings – Encourage your child to talk about what they are feeling. Let them know it is ok to feel worried and reassure them. Being open about their emotions helps them feel supported and makes it easier for them to talk to you in the future.
  
  
• Find What Works - Work with your child to figure out what helps them feel more comfortable during transitions. This could include creating a special goodbye routine, like a unique handshake or a specific phrase you say together before parting. They might also find it comforting to bring a transitional object, such as a family photo, a favorite stuffed animal, or another familiar item, to keep a sense of home close by.
  
  
• Partner With Your Child’s Teacher or Daycare Provider - If your child continues to struggle with separation anxiety, don’t hesitate to reach out and talk with your child’s teacher or daycare provider. They may have ideas for helping your child cope and adjust.

• The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn (Read-Aloud)
  • When Chester Raccoon is anxious about starting school, his mother lets him in on a family secret – the kissing hand. This book will help to reassure your child that your love will be with them whenever you’re apart and the world feels a little scary.
• The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst (Read-Aloud)
  • This book focuses on the many situations where we find ourselves apart from the people that we love, reminding us that even when we’re apart, we’re connected to our loved ones by an invisible string made of love.
• Bye-Bye Time, by Elizabeth Verdick (Read-Aloud)
  • Aimed at toddlers (e.g., going to daycare), this book helps ease the transition with a goodbye routine and helps teach toddlers that goodbye isn’t forever, it’s just for a while.

• Real Kids Talk About Coping With Anxiety
  • In this video, kids talk about anxiety and how they cope with it.
• Separation Anxiety - A Galaxy Brain video
  • Drexal the Alien is very attached to his trusty computer sidekick. In this episode of Galaxy Brain, he worries about spending a whole day apart as the computer makes important updates.

Nervous about New Things

New teacher/daycare provider, new friends, new rules or routine – change can be overwhelming and stressful! Here’s how to help

Helpful Tips:

• Let Them Know You’re Here for Them – Tell your child you’re ready to talk about their feelings and help find solutions if they need them. Knowing you’re there to support them can make a big difference.
  
  
• Reassure Them That It Won’t Be New for Long - Let your child know that it’s okay to feel unsure about new things, but that these feelings won’t last forever. Share a time when you were nervous about something new, what helped, and explain how things got better for you. Help them understand that while change can be scary, it can also bring good things.
  
  
• Courage is Taking Action While Scared – Talk to your child about courage and bravery, and how they go hand in hand with feeling scared. Explain that being brave doesn’t mean not feeling afraid- it means feeling scared and choosing to face the challenge anyway. Courage is about taking that step forward, even when something feels difficult or uncertain.
  
  
• Point out Good Things – Encourage your child to notice positive things about their new environment, such as new friends they’ve made or a fun activity they enjoy. Helping them focus on these good moments can make it easier for them to navigate feelings of anxiety.

• If I Never Forever Endeavor, by Holly Meade (Read-Aloud)
  • In this book, a young bird considers whether or not to give their new wings a try, filled with worries and the “what ifs.” This story offers readers a gentle nudge to dare to try and to fly.
• When You Are Brave, by Pat Zietlow Miller (Read-Aloud)
  • This book inspires young readers to embrace their inner light--no matter what they're facing--and to be brave.
• I Can Do Hard Things: Mindful Affirmations for Kids, by Gabi Garcia (Read-Aloud)
  • This book introduces children to the practice of using mindful affirmations for support and encouragement when they need it.
• Jabari Jumps, by Gaia Cornwall (Read-Aloud)
  • In this story, Jabari works up the courage to take the leap and do something for the first time, even though it feels a bit scary.

• PBS KIDS Talk About | Handling Changes at School
  • In this video, children and their parents/caregivers talk together about handling changes at school, such as making new friends, changing classrooms, or getting a new teacher.
• Trying New Things, a Tab Time video
  • A video about trying new things, and how scary–and FUN–they can be!
• I Can Learn New Things song (Kunda & Friends)
  • In this song, children learn affirmations they can sing or say to themself to encourage them to try new things, as scary as they may be.

Social Anxiety or Worries About Fitting In

Some children might worry about making friends, keeping friendships, or feeling different from their peers.

Helpful Tips:

• Talk About Feelings – Let your child know it is okay to feel anxious or worried. Share a time when you felt the same way and talk about what helped you in that situation. This can help your child feel understood, supported, and less alone in their feelings.
  
  
• Highlight Their Strengths – Work with your child, think about their strengths and qualities that make them a good friend. If they have trouble coming up with ideas, share what you think their strengths are and see if they agree. Ask them what makes a good friend and if they think they have those qualities.
  
  
• Celebrate Differences – Teach your child that being different is something to celebrate and embrace. Encourage them to share the ways they feel unique and help them see those differences as strengths. If your child feels anxious about fitting in, take time to understand their concerns and explore the reasons behind their feelings. If needed, consider discussing these concerns with their teacher or daycare provider to create a supportive environment.
  
  
• Talk About Friendship – Talk about how friendships can be based on both similarities and differences. Talk about ways to make friends, like playing games at recess, talking about a game, toy or activity they like. By talking with peers, they may find out something they have in common. Explain that good friends should respect and accept them for who they are. Talk about ways they can be good friends in return.

• The Day You Begin, by Jacqueline Woodson (Read-Aloud)
  • In this book, children are taught and reminded that we all feel like outsiders sometimes, and how brave it is that we go forth anyway as our beautifully unique, authentic selves–and that sometimes, when we connect with others and begin to show and share who we are, there are people who will be happy to get to know us and meet us halfway.
• Be You! by Peter H. Reynolds (Read-Aloud)
  • This book is an encouraging message to children to be authentically themselves.
• The Reflection in Me, by Marc Colagiovanni (Short Film of the Book)
  • In this book of self-love and affirmations, children are reminded that they are perfect just as they are inside and out.
• The Name Jar, by Yangsook Choi (Read-Aloud)
  • This story is helpful when talking with children about loving and embracing who they are, including their name, even when they may feel different from others.

• What I Am song from Sesame Street with Will.i.am
  • This song helps children celebrate all things that make them special!
• Friendship Soup Recipe video
  • In this video, kids say what they would put into their friendship soup

Performance Anxiety

Kids may also feel nervous about doing well in activities like reading, writing, or group work. Even at a young age, children might feel anxious about meeting expectations, whether they’re related to learning new skills or keeping up with classmates.

Helpful Tips:

• Support Them - Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and listen actively when they do. Let them know it’s okay to feel how they feel. Focus on their EFFORT, not just the result.
• Normalize Performance Anxiety - Share a time when you felt nervous or anxious and explain how you managed it. This helps your child know they’re not alone. Talk about strategies that helped you, like deep breathing, identifying and naming your feelings, and using positive and encouraging self-talk.
• Encourage Mistakes – Help your child understand that mistakes are a natural part of learning and growing. Encourage a growth mindset by focusing on effort and progress rather than perfection or getting everything right the first time. Remind them that trying, even when things don’t work perfectly, is an important step toward improvement and success.
• Encourage Asking for Help - Reassure them that it’s okay to ask for help when they need it, whether from a teacher, friend or you.

• The What If’s, by Emily Kilgore (Read-Aloud)
  • This book can help children learn to reframe their “what ifs” from only focusing on negative outcomes to hopeful possibilities, which can help to reduce their anxieties and increase confidence.
• The Magical Yet, by Angela DiTerlizzi (Read-Aloud)
  • This book can help encourage your child to have a growth mindset by helping them reframe their negative “I can’t” thoughts to include the magical “yet.”
• The Dot, by Peter H. Reynolds (Read-Aloud)
  • This book helps encourage children to take a chance, to begin, and to try–to make a mark and see where it takes them.

• The Power of Yet song from Sesame Street with Janelle Monáe
  • This song inspires children to embrace the power of “yet,” and that when something doesn't work out, to not give up.
• ClassDojo Growth Mindset videos
  • In this five-chapter video series, children are taught about what it means to have a growth mindset.

Afterschool Meltdowns

After a long day at school or daycare, your child might experience what is known as an Afterschool Meltdown. Throughout the day, kids are expected to follow directions, stick to routines, and manage their emotions in new and sometimes stressful settings. When they come home to a place where they feel safe, they may let out all the emotions they’ve been holding in. This sudden release of stress and emotion is called an Afterschool Meltdown or restraint collapse. 

Check out our article on Afterschool Meltdowns here.