Helping Young Children Grow Empathy and Respect for Differences

Empathy is the ability to understand how someone else feels. It also includes learning about and respecting how people are different—their experiences, cultures, interests, strengths, and needs. Young children are just beginning to notice these differences, and with support, they can learn to be curious, kind, and respectful.

When children learn empathy and respect for differences, they are more likely to:

• Include others in play
• Appreciate different ideas and experiences
• Stand up for others
• Build strong, caring relationships

Children learn empathy and respect over time, one step at a time. They learn not only from what they are taught, but also from what they see and hear every day. By using everyday moments, guiding them through challenges, and making use of stories, play, and media, adults can help children grow into caring, respectful people who value differences and try to understand others.

Some Things to Keep in Mind
Developmental Considerations

Young children are still learning how to think about others’ feelings. This skill grows over time.

• Toddlers (ages 1–3):
  While children at this age may notice when someone is upset, they may not know how to respond.
• Preschoolers (ages 3–5):
  During this time, many children begin to understand feelings and can practice helping, sharing, and taking turns.
• Early elementary (ages 5–7):
  At this age, many children are becoming more able to see another person’s point of view and talk about fairness and respect.

It’s important to keep expectations realistic, considering where a child is at in their development. Young children need lots of practice, support, and reminders.

Every Child Is Different

Not all children develop empathy in the same way or at the same pace. For example, some children may:

• Struggle to read social cues or facial expressions
• Feel overwhelmed by strong emotions
• Have fewer chances to practice social skills
• Need extra support due to developmental or learning differences

To accommodate for differences, some examples of things you could try are:

• Give clear, simple guidance. For example: “Your friend is crying. Let’s see how we can help.”
• Teach step-by-step. Rather than expecting children to “just know,” it can be helpful to teach, model, and show what empathy looks like.
• Celebrate small steps: Notice when a child tries, even if it’s not perfect.

Helpful Everyday Strategies

Name feelings often

Help children learn words for feelings by naming them throughout the day. This builds their understanding of their own emotions and others’ emotions. When children can name feelings, they are better able to respond in caring ways. For example:

• “You look frustrated. Do you want help?”
• “Your friend seems sad. What do you think they might need?”

Model empathy

Children learn a lot by watching you, including when you show kindness, listen to others, and respond with care in your everyday actions. When you notice someone’s feelings and respond thoughtfully, children see what empathy looks like in real life.

Encourage questions

Children are naturally curious about differences. Let them ask questions, and guide them to do so in kind and respectful ways. This helps them learn without feeling shame or fear. For example, you might say: “That’s a good question. Let’s think about a kind way to ask or talk about that.”

Focus on strengths

Help children notice what others are good at and what makes them unique (e.g., “He is really good at drawing,” “She is a great helper,” “He is really nice”). This builds respect and appreciation for differences instead of focusing only on challenges.

Be patient and consistent

Learning empathy takes time. Children will need reminders, support, and many chances to practice. Stay calm, keep modeling kindness, and celebrate small steps as they grow.

Building Understanding Through Play

Play can give children a safe space to practice empathy and learn about others. You can support this by:

Encouraging role-play

Children can practice helping, sharing, and including others during pretend play.

Offering a range of toys and materials when possible

In addition to toys children connect with personally, try to include items that reflect different cultures, abilities, and ways of life. This might be dolls, books, pictures, or even simple homemade materials. What matters most is giving children chances to see and talk about differences.

Gently guiding problem-solving

Step in to support children when challenges come up. For example, “This friend doesn’t know the game yet. What can we do to help them join?”

Using Stories and Media to Explore Differences

Stories and children’s media can also help children learn about and better understand the differences people can have including many different lived experiences.

When reading, listening to, or watching a story together (e.g., books, movies, TV shows, story podcasts), some examples of things you could do are:

• Ask questions to help them notice differences as well as connect (e.g., “How is this character the same as you? How are they different?”)
• Talk about feelings and experiences (e.g., “This character just moved to a new place. That can feel scary”)
• Point out strengths and needs (e.g., “What might help them feel welcome?”)

However, while stories and media can introduce children to new people and ideas, they can also send mixed messages. Due to this, consider:

• Not only watching together but talking about what you see (e.g., “Was that kind or fair?”)
• Choosing shows that model respect and inclusion

When Messages Conflict

Children may hear or see messages that do not match the empathy and respect you are trying to teach and encourage. This may come from:

• Media or online content
• Peers or older children
• Adults in their lives
• Things they hear or learn about events in their community, country, or the wider world

This can be confusing for young children. Some ways you may consider responding to these conflicting messages are:

• Stay calm and curious. (e.g., “What did you hear? What do you think about that?”)
• Gently correct any misinformation. (“Some people think that, but many people–including me–believe everyone deserves respect.”)
• Reinforce your values often. Use everyday moments to model kindness and inclusion.
• Teach critical thinking in simple ways. (e.g., “Does that seem kind or fair?”)

Resources

Children’s Books

Below are a few examples of children’s books that focus on empathy and respect for differences, along with links to read-aloud videos. There are many more books to explore, including stories that feature characters with experiences, identities, and abilities that may be different from your child’s.

• I Am Human: A Book of Empathy, by Susan Verde (Read-Aloud)
• Empathy Is Your Superpower, by Cori Bussolari PsyD (Read-Aloud)
• We All Belong: A Children's Book About Diversity, Race and Empathy, by Nathalie Goss and Alex Goss (Read-Aloud)
• The Rabbit Listened, by Coeri Doerrfeld (Read-Aloud)
• The Invisible Boy, by Trudy Ludwig (Read-Aloud)

All About Me & My Friends Activity Sheet

This fun, hands-on activity can help children explore their own strengths, interests, and feelings while learning about and appreciating the differences and similarities of their friends. Children can draw, write, or talk through their answers, and the reflection questions help guide conversations about empathy, kindness, and inclusion. This hands-on activity is perfect for home, classrooms, or small groups. You can download the activity sheet here.