When Behavior Is Communication: How to Decode What Infants & Toddlers Are Telling Us

Throwing things, falling out, hitting, stomping their little feet. Whether you are a parent, teacher, therapist, or any other adult, these behaviors can be frustrating. However, in early childhood, behavior is communication. Before infants and toddlers have access to spoken language (or the regulation skills to use it consistently) they rely on their bodies, actions, and emotions to express their needs. What adults often label as “problem behaviors” are frequently a child’s most effective way of saying something important to them.

Reframing behavior as communication shifts the question from “How do we stop this?” to “What is this child telling us?” This perspective is especially critical during the first three years of life, when neural connections related to regulation, sensory processing, and social engagement are rapidly developing. Infants and toddlers are not being defiant, manipulative, or noncompliant; they are responding to their internal state and environment with the tools they have. Understanding behavior through this lens allows caregivers and professionals to respond with curiosity and compassion rather than correction, supporting both emotional development and trust.

Behaviors You May See

Many behaviors that trigger adult concern are developmentally expected and meaningful. Eloping (running away) can often be viewed as not listening, but eloping may reflect curiosity, sensory seeking, or an attempt to escape an overwhelming environment. For toddlers especially, movement is a primary way of regulating and learning. You may see children throwing or swatting at things/people. These actions are frequently interpreted as aggression, but in reality, they may indicate frustration, difficulty with impulse control, or an attempt to create cause-and-effect interaction when language is limited.

Oral exploration is a very common sensory strategy in early development. This is when you see children putting random, non-edible items in their mouths. Biting may also occur when a child is overstimulated, teething, or unable to express discomfort or excitement verbally. Turning away, dropping to the floor, or ignoring requests from adults may signal fatigue, sensory overload, or difficulty processing social demands rather than willful refusal.

What These Behaviors May Be Communicating

When we look beneath the surface, behavior often reveals unmet needs. Sensory overload or sensory-seeking needs are often missed in children. Loud noises, bright lights, crowded spaces, or unexpected touch can overwhelm a young child’s nervous system. Conversely, some children seek intense movement, pressure, or oral input to feel organized and calm. Toddlers are also developmentally driven to assert independence. Resistance may reflect a desire to make choices or feel ownership, not opposition. A dysregulated child may simply be tired, hungry, or overstimulated from too many demands. Physiological needs are often expressed behaviorally before a child can label them. And simply put, some behaviors are bids for attention or reassurance. Others emerge when routines change or expectations are unclear, signaling a need for structure and safety. Many times children cannot verbally express these needs but because they learn through behavior and cause and effect relationships, they do what they know will get results. 

Responsive Strategies (Instead of Reactive Ones)

When behavior is understood as communication, responses shift from punishment to support. Coregulation is a great way to address these behaviors will modeling desired responses. Young children borrow regulation from adults. Calm voices, slow movements, deep pressure hugs (when welcomed), and shared breathing help a child’s nervous system settle before learning or compliance can occur. When an environment is overwhelming or underwhelming, being able to modify the environment can make a huge difference. Reducing sensory input, providing movement breaks, offering quiet spaces, or simplifying the environment can prevent behaviors before they escalate.

Another way to help support regulation and decrease unwanted behaviors are to offer choice. Offering simple choices (“Do you want the blue cup or the red one?”) supports autonomy while maintaining boundaries. Visual schedules, routines, and transition warnings increase a child’s sense of safety. Lastly, don’t be afraid to allow the child to lead during play. Play is a primary language of early childhood. When adults join a child’s interests rather than redirecting them, connection strengthens and communication naturally expands.

How to Continue to Support a Child’s Behaviors

Pay attention to patterns. When does the behavior occur? What’s happening in the environment? What does the child gain or avoid through the behavior? Narrate and validate instead of correcting first. Phrases like “Your body looks tired,” “That was too loud for you,” or “You really wanted that toy” help children feel seen and begin to build emotional language. Before giving directions or consequences, support regulation. Ask yourself: Is this child calm enough to learn right now? If not, connection and regulation come before expectations. When we decode behavior as communication, we move from control to compassion. Infants and toddlers are constantly telling us what they need through movement, emotion, and interaction. Our role is not to silence those messages, but to listen closely, respond thoughtfully, and help translate behavior into understanding.